Is it possible to save a marriage after an affair

Because if you hide or delete evidence of that contact -- and your spouse finds out -- it will be a nuclear winter for your marriage," she said. All the progress you made will be lost. Taking full responsibility for the affair also means getting tested for any sexually transmitted diseases you may have contracted, said Madden. If he or she gets tested, ask to go along as a gesture of support. Hiding the affair took time, energy and attention away from your family.

Now that it's over, go out of your way to show your spouse that you're ready to rededicate yourself to the marriage, whether that means attending couples counseling or spending more time with family.

Forgiveness is not going to happen overnight. Once you've admitted to cheating and you feel ready to move on, your spouse might continue to press you for answers about what happened.

Be willing to rehash the details of the affair, regardless of how difficult it might be for you, said Weiner-Davis. Know that you can acknowledge that shame and still be willing to put it aside so your partner knows their needs are paramount. Confessing and apologizing for your betrayal isn't enough; you need to take full ownership for the affair and be sincere in your efforts to make amends, said Weiner-Davis.

Genuine remorse is healing. It will pay off eventually. If you cheated on your spouse, it will take time to rebuild the trust that the two of you had.

Make sure you do the following regularly and consistently:. Don't lie to your spouse, even about small things. If you find yourself starting to exaggerate or tell an outright lie, ask yourself why you are doing it.

Are you generally an untrustworthy person? Are you afraid of how your spouse will react to the truth? Is it a bad habit? Answer honestly, and work on it. Making the decision to go to therapy and actually going is a big first step to repairing your marriage.

When you go to couples therapy with your spouse, you are doing something together to work on your relationship. We believe some situations make it mandatory to get outside help, and the crisis of infidelity is one of them.

Handing over email and social media passwords can be another sign of trustworthiness. Of course, technology can make it possible for cheaters to continue behaving badly without leaving a record by deleting apps from their phones or communicating with affair partners through things like Snapchat.

If they're willing to get out all their repressed stuff and learn how to communicate better, that certainly can be a help.

The cheater also needs to not only take full responsibility for the betrayal, but to show patience and understanding that healing from their actions is a long process, Cilona says. Finally, the couple has to essentially recreate their relationship.

Amatenstein agrees. But couples who do decide to separate after an affair can still benefit from therapy, especially if they have children. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. Korin is a former New Yorker who now lives at the beach.